Reflections on the Crazy Summer of 2010

Our time with all of the WHM missionaries in Greece was wonderful. All of my leadership responsibilities went well and there is a lot of excitement about things that God has been doing in and through WHM. But by far the best parts of the week were those times spent in prayer (2-3 hours a day!) hearing our missionaries hearts and getting to intercede for them. There is something about gathering around brothers and sisters, laying hands on them and then praying, crying, and pouring your heart out in prayer over them that is truly a taste of heaven and we slurped it up like kids eating ice cream for the first time.

We were able to reconnect with lots of old friends and meet some new ones too! In Denver I got a chance to catch up with former Naperville Presbyterian pastor and church planter, George Garrison. Nashville brought us together with Nate and Kara Conrad for a few days and several Chicago buddies spread around the country now. Jennifer was able to see at least some of you when she and Parker where unexpectedly back in Chicago for two weeks thanks to some frequent flyer miles (and the chaos that ensued over the tickets). And we were able to host Matt and Erin Young as well as Barry and Amy Schutter (our London-Southall church planting team leaders) here in Philly.

We enjoyed a much needed ministry break over vacation. Now that Parker is older we want to start exposing him to some of the cool things on the east coast. So in August we went to Washington D.C. for 3 days and visited the Smithsonian, saw some of the monuments, strolled by the White House and the Capitol, heard a concert by the Army Band (with live cannons for the 1812 Overture), ate at 5 Guys Burgers, visited Ford's Theater where Abraham Lincoln was assassinated, and saw Marine One fly over the mall and past the Washington Monument with President Obama aboard. After that we headed up to a quiet cabin near Lake George NY and enjoyed a week in the Adirondacks taking it easy (though we did visit Vermont, Lake Placid and tour the Ausable Chasm... which we highly (!) recommend).

I was able to see again just how much my heart needs the gospel because it resembles "Mars Hill" in Athens. When Paul was in Athens, he preached a sermon at Mars Hill (aka the Aeropagus) which is recorded in Acts 17. If you've had the chance to visit there, you'll know the hill is a rocky outcropping, that is hard and slippery, with no shade or plants and it is overlooked by the famous Acropolis. It was a stunning reminder to me of just how much my heart looks just like this-hard, slippery and inhospitable-without the gospel being brought to it and preached to it every day. And as if to prove the point, God generously allowed me see how my heart was worshiping at the altar of one of my "unknown gods." Instead of enjoying my time with Jennifer and Parker, I chose to worship my own expectations and plans and bicker about what we were going to do next and how long we should spend doing it, instead of just soaking up the atmosphere and the company of my family. When we harden our hearts by holding on to something too tightly, inevitably they turn stony like Mars Hill and grace runs off them without soaking in. I'm sure a lot of people have visited Mars Hill and read Paul's words to the Athenians. I visited Mars Hill and heard Paul's words speaking to me and my tendency to worship my own counterfeit gods.

And in some ways, that's just as good of a picture of the life of a missionary as any. Who better to go and bring a gospel of good news freedom to those with stony hearts who follow false gods, than one who himself is having his stony heart made new and who is learning to slowly release his grip from the false idols of self and security? Who needs the gospel more than one who has multiple "altars to unnamed God's" in his heart and who is learning that his True Dad is not far off and in his love and grace and beauty and mercy we live and have our being?

Fun Facts
This summer the Knaak's combined for a total of :

* 17,808 miles in the air on 11 different flights
* 53 nights with one or more of us away from home
* 18 new WHM missionaries were approved and/or went through our orientation process that I'm involved with
* 10 different cities visited
* 10 train rides to and from various airports, too many subway rides to count, and trip from Philly to D.C. on Amtrak!
* 10 states encountered
* 4 rental cars (who knew the Chrysler Town and Country mini-van was so nice?)
* 3 countries enjoyed
* 3 rounds of golf (2 with Parker and his first set of clubs)
* 3 times we had scheduling problems with flights
* 2 general assemblies attended
* 2 retreats to participate in
* 2 colds... which totally sucked
* 2 weeks of vacation
* 2 weeks in Chicago (for Jennifer and Parker)
* 2 Phillies games (including Parker's first big League Game)
* 1 ferry ride (a first for Paker!)
* 0 times that our luggage was lost-how miraculous is that?!

What a difference two years can make...

Two years ago, Patric and I were transitioning from our life in IL to our new life here in PA. We were grieving the loss of living daily life with many, many dear friends in IL...as well as saying our final good-bye here on earth to his mom who fought a long battle with cancer. And come the Spring of 2008, it was time to figure out how to make life work here.

So, one of the things I decided to do was to go the women's retreat at the church I thought we were going to end up attending. I didn't know anyone going on the retreat, and I was very fearful. I called up the woman in charge (now, a dear friend) and had her put me in a room with 3 other women that I didn't know. The weekend came and it was a blessing to me beyond words.

Two years later...the Spring of 2010. I was now the woman in charge of the retreat at our church. :) And now I know every woman who went on the retreat. I was able to assure fearful women who weren't sure they wanted to come because they didn't know anyone. The weekend came and it was a blessing to me beyond words.

It's hard to say which of these two retreats were more meaningful to me in the different phases of my life. But this I know, God meets me where I am. Provides for me what I need. Is gracious and kind. And what the pain of transition during these two years has shown me is that I can trust him. He is the one who is always with me.

"So, do not fear, for I am with you..." Isaiah 41:10a

Pray Without Ceasing... yeah, right

Recently, I’ve been leisurely reading Paul Miller’s A Praying Life (fabulous!! can’t recommend it highly enough) and as he was writing about “praying without ceasing” I was really brought up short. All of my 30+ years of walking with Jesus, I always assumed that the way to “pray without ceasing” was to be focused and determined; to just grit my teeth and say “I will do this, I will do this, I will do this….” That’s what maturity looks like right? You know what to do and then set your strengths on accomplishing it because the Bible says to do it.

But what caught me off guard was the fact that I’ve never (ever) been able to pray without ceasing by trying to do it this way. Heck, I’ve never even been able to pray for 15 minutes a day by doing it this way.

The “aha moment” was when I realized that my strength would never be able to make me into an “always in conversation with God” person, but my weakness would. When I see just how weak, needy and poor I am; when I know that my life doesn’t really work and I can’t make it work; when I am consistently conscious of my inability to love others or change deeply ingrained sin patterns then I become the type of person who is always talking to Dad.

When I am aware of my weakness and inability, then constant prayer is as natural as breathing. But when I’m busy trying to be my own savior (or looking to all of the other false sexy Jesus’ that this world conjures up), praying without ceasing is no more possible than sprouting wings and flying to Nova Scotia. Thirty years of walking with the Master, tens of thousands of dollars in theological education, years in ministry and I never realized what every toddler instinctively knows… when you can’t do it on your own, you’re naturally going to rely on Daddy.

(a little daunting to think that a lot of you who read this blog pay good money so that I can mentor pastors, missionaries and other christian leaders, isn't it!)

Good Reminder About My Spiritual Growth

Eugene Peterson is one of my favorite authors. Because I went the route of academic post-graduate work instead of going to seminary, I missed a lot in the way of the "older, wiser, more experienced fathers of the faith" teaching me as a young, brash, intense person what being a pastor really looks like. You can probably just imagine what was "unleashed" at Naperville Pres. when I first started working there!

In the introduction to newest book, an extended meditation on growing up in Christ via the Epistle to Ephesians, Peterson talks about the the need to "practice resurrection":

The resurrection of Jesus establishes the conditions in which we live and mature in the Christian life and carry on this conversation: Jesus alive and present. A lively sense of Jesus' resurrection, which took place without any help or comment from us, keeps us from attempting to take charge of our own development and growth. Frequent meditation on Jesus' resurrection--the huge mystery of it, the unprecedented energies flowing from it--prevents us from reducing the language of our conversation to what we can define or control. "Practice resurrection," a phrase I got from Wendell Berry, strikes just the right note. We live our lives in the practice of what we do not originate and cannot anticipate. When we practice resurrection, we continuously enter into what is more than we are. When we practice resurrection, we keep company with Jesus, alive and present, who knows where we are going better than we do, which is always "from glory to glory."

Eugene Peterson, Practice Ressurection

just sharing a song i heard today...

Come Home

Performed by- Overflow

All my hopes and dreams came true today My life won't be the same You opened up my eyes and let the healing begin You brought me hope within You took away the chains that once held me down Now I can hear You say Come home, come home You're calling me into your arms I've been gone, for so long I can hear You calling out my name I can't believe how much You sacrificed You chose death to give me life I won't cry for myself anymore I've found what I've been looking for You were with me all this time You've been watching me for so long I can hear You calling out my name I've been waiting, anticipating, patiently waiting for you

Worshipping the Hell out of our Hearts

Jennifer here. :) Yesterday at church I heard an interesting phrase. And it definitely stuck with me. The worship leader used it as he led us into song..."worshipping the Hell out of our hearts." I like it. (thanks to whomever I need to thank at church for this phrase!)

How many times after confessing, repenting, and then believing, do we then feel like we need to DO something? to focus our thoughts, our energies in the right direction? but we know it's not about DOING. it's actually about worship. and in the process, we are actually worshipping the Hell right out of our hearts. beautiful.

Here's a song to get you going...

Praise is rising, eyes are turning to You, we turn to You
Hope is stirring, hearts are yearning for You, we long for You
'Cause when we see You, we find strength to face the day
In Your Presence all our fears are washed away, washed away

Ho- san- na, ho- sanna
You are the God Who saves us, worthy of all our praises
Ho- san- na, ho- sanna
Come have Your way among us
We welcome You here, Lord Jesus

Hear the sound of hearts returning to You, we turn to You
In Your Kingdom broken lives are made new, You make us new
'Cause when we see You, we find strength to face the day
In Your Presence all our fears are washed away, washed away