What a difference two years can make...

Two years ago, Patric and I were transitioning from our life in IL to our new life here in PA. We were grieving the loss of living daily life with many, many dear friends in IL...as well as saying our final good-bye here on earth to his mom who fought a long battle with cancer. And come the Spring of 2008, it was time to figure out how to make life work here.

So, one of the things I decided to do was to go the women's retreat at the church I thought we were going to end up attending. I didn't know anyone going on the retreat, and I was very fearful. I called up the woman in charge (now, a dear friend) and had her put me in a room with 3 other women that I didn't know. The weekend came and it was a blessing to me beyond words.

Two years later...the Spring of 2010. I was now the woman in charge of the retreat at our church. :) And now I know every woman who went on the retreat. I was able to assure fearful women who weren't sure they wanted to come because they didn't know anyone. The weekend came and it was a blessing to me beyond words.

It's hard to say which of these two retreats were more meaningful to me in the different phases of my life. But this I know, God meets me where I am. Provides for me what I need. Is gracious and kind. And what the pain of transition during these two years has shown me is that I can trust him. He is the one who is always with me.

"So, do not fear, for I am with you..." Isaiah 41:10a

Pray Without Ceasing... yeah, right

Recently, I’ve been leisurely reading Paul Miller’s A Praying Life (fabulous!! can’t recommend it highly enough) and as he was writing about “praying without ceasing” I was really brought up short. All of my 30+ years of walking with Jesus, I always assumed that the way to “pray without ceasing” was to be focused and determined; to just grit my teeth and say “I will do this, I will do this, I will do this….” That’s what maturity looks like right? You know what to do and then set your strengths on accomplishing it because the Bible says to do it.

But what caught me off guard was the fact that I’ve never (ever) been able to pray without ceasing by trying to do it this way. Heck, I’ve never even been able to pray for 15 minutes a day by doing it this way.

The “aha moment” was when I realized that my strength would never be able to make me into an “always in conversation with God” person, but my weakness would. When I see just how weak, needy and poor I am; when I know that my life doesn’t really work and I can’t make it work; when I am consistently conscious of my inability to love others or change deeply ingrained sin patterns then I become the type of person who is always talking to Dad.

When I am aware of my weakness and inability, then constant prayer is as natural as breathing. But when I’m busy trying to be my own savior (or looking to all of the other false sexy Jesus’ that this world conjures up), praying without ceasing is no more possible than sprouting wings and flying to Nova Scotia. Thirty years of walking with the Master, tens of thousands of dollars in theological education, years in ministry and I never realized what every toddler instinctively knows… when you can’t do it on your own, you’re naturally going to rely on Daddy.

(a little daunting to think that a lot of you who read this blog pay good money so that I can mentor pastors, missionaries and other christian leaders, isn't it!)