Marriage (part 1)

I've been thinking a lot about marriage lately since WHM is putting on a conference for couples in ministry next week that I'll be leading and on the speaking team for. And I'd like to ask you to pray for me.

BUT... as small inducement and for your added enjoyment, I'm going to include both a few specific prayer requests, and a Top Ten List about marriage that I had originally wrote to send to a childhood friend who was tying the knot. I'll post it in two parts so check back in a few days.

Big Prayer Requests for Marriage in Ministry Conference:

1) That my material will come together. I've really been struggling over this last year to figure out how to become a more effective conference speaker. But one of the hardest things I've had to deal with is not being able to just teach through a passage of scripture from beginning to end. Most of my talks need to do something a little different than that. So I am again trying something new in an effort to get better.

2) That the Holy Spirit would really, really work in my life. There is almost nothing that is going to be taught that I don't need to have in my own life a lot more. So pray that my heart would continue to be broken over my sin and hardness toward Jennifer.

If you are going to pray for me, then feel free to keep reading. (If you aren't going to pray for me, you can still keep reading, but know that I'll be giving you the stink eye as you do.)

Patric’s Top Ten Tips for Enjoying the Marital State:

10) There is one and only one proper response to the question, “Does this make my butt look big?” Said with feeling and a straight face: “By all that is holy and right in the world, not at all!!” I know that saying, “Yes, but I love you anyway” really seems like a winner, but trust me it isn’t.

9) Despite early appearances, it is possible for a married man to find complete satisfaction in only having 1/100th the closet space that his wife does. She'd going to throw away all of your favorite jeans and sweatshirts anyway, so you'll probably need a lot less space than you think you do.

8) Flush.

7) “If you are going to the fridge could you get me another beer,” does not in fact count as meaningful conversation. (Who knew?)

6) Your mother-in-law is a wonderful person. (Keep saying this until you start to believe it. Just kidding folks!! MY mother-in-law is truly a wonderful person! [Nudge, Nudge. Wink, Wink. See how easy it is.])

If you'd like to see the rest of the list, tune in again in the next few days to get a few more of my "I'm both nuts and needy" prayer requests.

Thanks for praying~

Really Nuts!

OK, I couldn't resist adding this in light of the previous post.

Last night Jennifer and I were upstairs putting Parker to bed (and praying!) when the phone rang.  We didn't rush to pick it up and a little time went by before we got back downstairs again.

The senior pastor of our church personally called to see how we were doing and ask if there was anything specific that they could pray for us about.  A few times a year, he and the other elders take an evening to call folks and find out how things are going and then pray for them.

I'm telling you, it's not normal to have so many people looking out for you spiritual well being.  But it is rather nice.

On a related note, I'm also missing our former church today.  I'd really come to enjoy planning and leading the Ash Wednesday service and our church doesn't have one.  We may get a sitter tonight and try and find one somewhere, but it won't be the same.  However, I am very proud to see Nate Conrad carrying on the tradition.

These People are Nuts

"These people are nuts.  They pray all the time.  It's a little weird isn't it?"

Ah, yes, just the sort of thing you'd expect folks who are trying to follow Jesus to say, right?

This past weekend, Jennifer and I were both struck by how much praying we had done this last week.  It seems that at the slightest provocation, folks in and around WHM burst into prayer. And there also seems to be a lot of praying that happens at our new church too.  

The pace of prayer in our new lives is a little remarkable.  In any given week, in the Sending Center (the WHM "home office"), we pray for 30 minutes every day, Monday-Friday.  Except on Tuesday, where we pray for 2 hours.  In addition, whenever a missionary is passing through, we stop to pray for them.  And we pray during team meetings and group projects.  We read prayer requests daily from the field and pray for them too.  And usually twice a year, and then again at board meetings and leadership retreats, we take a whole day to pray.  Practically anytime we are together, someone says, "Well, let's pray" and before I can locate the nearest exit, I've got people gathering around and laying hands on folks and hugging and praying.  It's just odd, I tell you. 

Not only that, but now that Parker is getting older, we make a point of praying with him a few times a day as well.  I find myself regularly talking to God non-stop on the way to and from work as I think about the spiritual battles that will face me that day.  And, get this (!), a few of Jennifer's friends have invited her to come hang out in the evenings every few weeks so that they can pray together.  And not just hang out for 2 hours and pray for 10 minutes.  Long praying.  On your knees praying.  Crying out to God in desperation praying.  Coming home late when you have to get up early the next day praying.

Even on the weekends there is no respite.  Many of the women from the office get together once a month on a Saturday AM and pray for the urgent things on the field.  This last Saturday after Jennifer got back I asked about a co-worker's back problem.  Jennifer didn't know anything about it--they were too busy praying for the kingdom to advance and the issue of personal health never came up.  (Clearly this is not the group you want praying for you if you are going in for surgery... unless, of course, you are are in a hospital in Kenya.  Then they may get around to you.)

The thing that was so striking to us though, is how normal we'd thought our prayer lives were before we came to World Harvest.  I mean, we prayed plenty before we came to Philadelphia. I was on staff at a church; we prayed a lot.  Jennifer is an olympic class journal keeper and petitioner.  I've been know to take as much as 15 minutes at a time to sit and pray in the middle of the day.  We were no slouches in the "Well Let's Ask God's Blessing On This" category.

It's been unsettling to us to see just how little we actually did pray.  Well, at least it seems "little" by comparison to what we do now.  

So what has changed?  Well... I don't really know.  Honestly.  Other than the fact that we seem to be with folks who are constantly praying, so we get sucked into things.

What I can tell you is that our ability to see our own need for prayer has dramatically increased.  Maybe it's just that everything has seemed out of whack for a while, or that we've been through a lot of transition.  Or maybe it really is true--missionaries really are more spiritual than most people! But I suspect that it's something deeper than this.  

I suspect that deep down in both of our hearts we've tapped into a sense of desperation and longing for a God that is bigger, more beautiful and loving, and infinitely more dangerous than we'd ever really thought he was.  And when you get a taste for this, coupled with a clearer picture of your own needs, it starts changing things in your prayer life.  And, come to think of it, we're probably a little nuts now too.  

Ok.  I've got to stop and go find someone to pray with.  Or at least get a hug.  (I told you that things were strange out here!! ;-)

 

Longing for a Job I Know I Can Do

Thanks for the prayers for our weekend of teaching at Kim and Dave Schutter's church.  In many ways the weekend was a wonderful time of refreshment--more for me, than for any who attended the retreat or Sunday AM!

For the first time in a while, I really got to "do my thing" teaching-wise.  It was also wonderful to spend time with Kim and Dave.  I kept having little "a ha" moments when Dave and I were talking and he would describe ministry and life challenges that are part of his current journey.  Several times I thought to myself, "Well, if it were me, I'd do _________."  Since Dave is by all accounts a lot wiser soul than yours truly, you can imagine my delight when my thoughts seemed to mirror pretty closely Dave's plan of action.  (Maybe I'm finally learning something?)

But the weekend also left me with sense of longing.  Walking around NPC (east) on Sunday AM before everyone had arrived, seeing the building, hearing the worship team rehearse, seeing the offices and schedules, and looking over my notes in the few quiet minutes I had before a flood of people entered my life all served to remind of some of what I missed about pastoral ministry.  I miss that sense of "game day."  Of having worked hard during the week to get ready to teach, of having the Holy Spirit feed me as I got ready to feed others, and then really standing up and delivering before a group of people that  I'd been journeying with.

There were so many moments when I secretly thought, "I could do this!  I could really do this."  Not be the sr. pastor at NPC (east)--Kim and Dave are clearly the right folks for the job!  But in my heart I thought "I really know how to be a pastor.  I could do this type of ministry."  This was probably the first time in the 18 months that I've been at WHM that I really felt the cost of not being in direct, pastoral ministry.

But more than this, it also reminded me of just how cunning my flesh really is.  There is no more absurd statement in all of life than to have a minister of the gospel say, "I could do this!"  

What can I really do?  The truth is, not much.  Not much at all.   I can't raise people from death to life spiritually.  I can't make God's word melt stony hearts.  I can't love people well enough to pull them into the kingdom.  I can't provide people with enough help and strength and goodness to see them continue to walk faithfully in the midst of trials and hardship.  I can't mold hearts in new ways so that God is perfectly glorified even in the middle pain and suffering.

The only thing I can actually do, is point people to Jesus in the midst of my own needs and brokenness.  My desire to have a job that "I can do" is really just the subtle idols of comfort and approval whispering to me in ways which make me forget the gospel.  I've been working at a job for 18 months that I know is more than a match for my feeble skills and inexperience.  I've been carrying burdens that keep me up late at night, or wake me early in the morning and will not let me go back to sleep.  I've been continuing to try hard enough, to be strong enough or good enough in my own strength to not disappoint those I serve.  And...

...all of this again confirms to me that I am right where God desires me to be.  I am in a place where my best efforts will never be enough and the only possible way forward is in radical dependence on my Dad.  I'm doing things that my willpower, or personality, or sheer hard work will never be able to accomplish, thus forcing me to daily retreat happily to my knees with real needs instead of religious niceties.  I am in a place where I'm not good enough, and I know it, and this makes me all the more eager to see the Spirit work in ways that I'm frankly not comfortable with, because they require me to relinquish my unbelief and need to be in control.

So, here's my prayer for you today:  I'm asking our Father to put you into situations, relationships and ministries where you know you can't do it either, so that you too can have the humbling joy of truly needing Jesus in the same way that you need air.  Being needy?  Now that's a job I know that I can do.  

NPC (squared)

I'd heartily appreciate your prayers again this weekend.  Jennifer, Parker, and I will be flying out to minister at Kim and Dave Schutter's church, which ironically is called Northwest Presbyterian Church, but goes by the acronym NPC.  So Dave and I are teaming up again at another NPC!  (For those of you not in on the joke, Dave and I were on staff together at Naperville Presbyterian... the "original" NPC.)

I'll be leading their men's retreat helping the guys apply the gospel to lives at work on Friday and Saturday.  On Sunday I'll be teaching a very abbreviated version of the same material for their adult education classes, and then preaching at their worship service.  All in all that's 5 times of teaching in 3 days.

So please pray for me yet again.  I don't feel as overwhelmed as I did about the Princeton thing--but I'm not sure if that is a good or bad thing.  I DO feel that I have very little to offer to a group of people that don't know me, especially when I have such a short amount of time with them.  But I had a wonderful time with God being super needy today, and he really provided just the right insights and help to help me feel like I'm tracking with him.

Also pray for Kim and Dave.  It's been a pretty hard slog for them over the last little bit.