In Praise of... Being Sick?!

By anyone's account it's been a rough few weeks.  Since the beginning of November one member of the Knaak household has been continously sick.  I personally have had 2 colds, including 1 trip to the doctor for bronchitis, a round of antibotics and some truly wonderful codeine based cough syrup, all accompanied by the fatigue, tiredness, hacking, wheezing and general crappiness that goes along with being sick.  

But the real kicker came last week when Jennifer and I both came down with food poisoning after sharing a meal at local mexican restaurant.  It's been a while since I've been that sick.  Too nauseous watch TV, too feverish and drained to be able to read, and periodic death sprints to the bathroom pretty much summed up those 24 hours.

And yet in the midst of physical discomfort and brokenness, I do have a sense that God was again working to show me something that I so often miss in my normal self absorption.  During those 24 hours I was far more conscious of being dependent on God than during almost any time in the previous 24 months.  With no ability to stand, work, walk, move, care for Jennifer, or even distract myself, I again and again cried out to God to have mercy on me.  I was absolutely incapable of fixing myself, serving myself (forget about others!), or caring for myself.  The only pathway open to me was pure reliance and dependance on God.  Even my feverish mind could find no solace other than reminding myself that God really did love me, even if my body was completely a wreck.

Isn't it interesting that it took several weeks of busy-ness, coughs and colds, and a bout of severe food poisoning to soften my sin hardened heart into a posture of dependence?  

Even more intriguing is the idea that a day is coming in my future when this disposition of dependence will be so natural, so easy, so much a part of my being that it will be hard to believe I had ever lived another way for so many years.  In my cry of surrender, I could almost hear the pleasure of the Father rejoicing over one stoney soul, at least momentarily, collapsing into his grace and mercy.

And who knows, it may just be another round of bad steak tacos that actually ushers in that new state!  (Seriously folks, death seemed like a sweet friend around 4 AM ;-)